Run Catch Kiss by Amy Sohn

Author:Amy Sohn [Sohn, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781439130421
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

ARIEL STEINER YANKS CHAIN, p. 28

I put my hands to my head and tore out a few clumps of hair. Once my parents saw that banner they’d be certain to read the column—and it would be too disgusting for them to handle. At least my other ones had involved intercourse. Sex was conventional, but phone sex and an outdoor hand job were far more tawdry.

When I got to the building, my mom and dad were packing the rental car (they don’t own one because my dad can’t drive) and Zach was sitting in the backseat. As I put my suitcase in the trunk, I eyed them suspiciously. But they were total poker from brow to chin. I didn’t know if it meant they’d read it and didn’t care, or were so upset they couldn’t speak.

They didn’t give any more clues over the hour-and-a-half drive to Philly. The whole ride there, neither they nor Zach mentioned a word about it. I had requested their silence, but now that I was getting it, it bugged me. I wanted to know what they really thought. Were they telling themselves it was all fiction? Did they think I was losing my mind, or exaggerating? Several times over the course of the ride, I heard the words “How ‘bout that jerk-off?” forming on my tongue, but somehow, I couldn’t spit them out.

When we pulled up to my grandparents’ house, my mom and dad got out of the car to unload our bags. Zach started to get out too, but I tugged on his arm and whispered, “Do you know if they read it this week?”

“Dad and I did, but mom didn’t. He doesn’t bring home the ones he thinks will upset her.”

“She doesn’t go into Manhattan to look them up herself?”

“No. She says if he doesn’t show them to her, there must be a good reason.”

“What did you think of it?”

“That phone sex stuff was hot. I was reading it on the train home from school and I got a boner, and then I was like, Whoa. My sister wrote this, and I have a boner, and it wigged me out.”

We followed my parents into the house and as soon as I made it inside the door, my uncle Paul shouted, “Hey, Ariel, how’s your sex life?”

I raced past him into the bathroom to escape, but on the way there I ran into a group of my mom’s cousins, and they hit me with an onslaught of jibes so idiotic it was scarcely to be believed: “Why don’t you ever send us any of your columns?” “I hear you’re shocking the city!” “Little Ariel’s not so little anymore,” and on and on. I grinned like I had a sense of humor, but I wanted to tell them all to leave me the fuck alone, at least I liked my job, at least I wasn’t a teacher like all of them.

My mom was raised a secular humanistic Jew, so most of her relatives are hippyish and easygoing.

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